Mother Teresa's Doubts

Most would consider Mother Teresa to be a great example of Christ's message on earth. However, despite her living the life, her inner faith was in turmoil throughout her life. She wrote of her inner "dryness", "darkness", "loneliness" and "torture". She shared these issues with her spiritual confidant, Rev. Michael van der Peet. Here are some excerpts of what she wrote to him:

• "Jesus has a very special love for you," she assured Van der Peet. "[But] as for me, the silence and the emptiness is so great, that I look and do not see, - Listen and do not hear - the tongue moves [in prayer] but does not speak ... I want you to pray for me - that I let Him have [a] free hand."
• "Where is my Faith - even deep down right in there is nothing, but emptiness & darkness - My God - how painful is this unknown pain - I have no Faith - I dare not utter the words & thoughts that crowd my heart - & make me suffer untold agony"
• "I am told God loves me - and yet the reality of darkness & coldness & emptiness is so great that nothing touches my soul. Did I make a mistake in surrendering blindly to the Call of the Sacred Heart?"
• "Such deep longing for God - and ... repulsed - empty - no faith - no love - no zeal. - [The saving of] Souls hold no attraction - Heaven means nothing - pray for me please that I keep smiling at Him in spite of everything."
• "What do I labour for? If there be no God - there can be no soul - if there is no Soul then Jesus - You also are not true."

This quote from an article about these letters really sum it up... "Who would have thought that the person who was considered the most faithful woman in the world struggled like that with her faith? And who would have thought that the one thought to be the most ardent of believers could be a saint to the skeptics?"

After reading through these quotes I have decided to buy the book of letters that Mother Teresa wrote. I am intrigued by both her public successes and internal struggles.